I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
