When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
