i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
