Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize