Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
