She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
