put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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