And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
