can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
