I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
