Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize