She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
