Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
