I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
