If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i would punch a child for taco bell
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
