Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
