You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
