that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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