You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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