You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
