I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
