Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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