We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
