She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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