Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
