is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
