The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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