haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
