On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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