does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
