Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
