Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
