ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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