How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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