Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
false alarm. still invincible.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
