My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
