I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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