is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
