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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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