I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
