I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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