You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
