oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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