Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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