My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
