if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
