i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
