she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
