Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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