bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
