there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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