I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
