when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize