I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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