get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize