The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
