porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
