Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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