508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
