please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
