i was born a porn star she said
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
