he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
