I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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