my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
