What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
