Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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