if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
