"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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