you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
