How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
