Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
