just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
