your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
